Nekkid Boy

Excuse me?

2007-12-09T15:02:00.000-05:00

NekkidBoy and family sat down to eat lunch. At the end, Mommy Person gave NekkidBoy some blueberry yogurt and a spoon.

Nekkid Boy eyed the yogurt and figured it was probably safe to eat since Big Daddy was slurping it up too.

He ate a few spoonfuls but soon grew bored with the whole experience. Until.... Big Daddy let out a big BURP!!

Big Daddy: *BURP*
Nekkid Boy: Excuse me

Big Daddy: Excuse me
Nekkid Boy: Excuse ME

Big Daddy: No, no. Excuse me
Nekkid Boy: Excuse MEeeee

Big Daddy: No, no, really. Excuse ME.
Nekkid Boy: Excuse Nekkid Boy. Excuse Momma.

Big Daddy: What about....
Nekkid Boy: Excuse Baby Burp!

Nekkid Boy: Excuse yogurt!

Wordless Wednesday

2007-10-30T18:44:00.000-04:00

Wordless Wednesday - Nekkid Boy Takes Over Preschool

2007-09-04T16:40:00.000-04:00

Wordless Wednesday

2007-08-28T18:00:00.000-04:00

Things I Did Today

2007-08-28T16:13:00.000-04:00

- punched my sister in the chest and pushed her over
- dumped all the toys out of the toy basket very s-l-o-w-l-y as Momma Person shouted, "No! Don't dump those out! Take out the one toy you want."
- dumped out another basket of toys
- happily took a chicken nugget to eat
- left aforementioned chicken nugget in a chewed up, soggy mess on the carpet for Mommy Person to find
- broke the candle snuffer
- used aforementioned snuffer bell as a "hat" for my monster truck
- put empty toy basket on Baby Burp's head
- ran over to investigate Baby Burp's diaper when Momma Person announced that BB had pooped
- snapped sidewalk chalk in half, then quarters
- rolled my tricycle over broken sidewalk chalk
- stomped on broken sidewalk chalk
- asked Momma Person to tickle me
- refused to eat anything except Cheerios
- picked up my ToddleRock chair and tossed it around
- threw a few tantrums bad enough to be rated on the Richter scale
- jumped in a circle and shouted "WOO HOO!" a few dozen times
- bonked my head into Momma Person's back as hard as I could

Wordless Wednesday

2007-08-21T21:09:00.000-04:00

Wordless Wednesday

2007-08-14T22:16:00.000-04:00

Wordless Wednesday

2007-08-08T16:19:00.000-04:00

What color?

2007-08-02T17:43:00.000-04:00

Nekkid Boy lay on the pillow next to MommyPerson and snuggled up closer to her. He felt a tingle in his right nostril and decided to investigate.

After much investigating and digging, he extracted the offending nostril tickler -- a big booger.

He held the booger up and admired it's size, texture and color.

MommyPerson: That's a booger. Let me have that.
Nekkid Boy: Berger.
MommyPerson: Yes, a booger. We wipe boogers away with tissues.
Nekkid Boy: GREEEEEEEEEEEN BERGER!!!

Feel the breeze

2007-08-02T00:43:00.000-04:00

After refusing to take a bath, instead opting to sit on the potty chair and play with his race cars, Nekkid Boy ran around the upstairs naked as a jay-bird. He called out to his new friend Super Zetta to come play with him. He ran from this bedroom to the bathroom and back again to his bedroom. He ran into Baby Burp's room and giggled, then ran back out.

MommaPerson laid Baby Burp on the floor to get her dressed for bed. As she leaned forward to secure Baby Burp's diaper, Nekkid Boy leaped onto her back, spread eagle, arms locked around MommyPerson's neck and giggled and cackled.

He eventually tired of climbing all over MommyPerson. Ahh.. but the fan! The fan meant endless possibilities for fun.

Nekkid Boy crouched down and turned on the fan. He stood up in front of the fan (blowing full blast of course), spread his feet so he was standing with his feet shoulder width apart and said, "Ooooooooooo! Cold!"

Wordless Wednesday

2007-07-31T20:55:00.000-04:00

Daddy?

2007-07-28T12:07:00.000-04:00

"Okay Nekkid Boy. It's time to leave Invisible Ian's house. We're going to go see Big Daddy and have lunch with him."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and a tantrum ensued.

Minutes later, MommyPerson had Nekkid Boy firmly strapped into the Durango Dragonmobile. As she climbed into the driver's seat, she reminded Nekkid Boy that they were going to go see Big Daddy. Her gentle reminder met a very loud and firm declaration of "no" from Nekkid Boy.

During the drive, she periodically - and enthusiastically - asked Nekkid Boy if he wanted to go see Big Daddy and have lunch. Each time, the reply was an emphatic no.

After ten minutes of trying to psych Nekkid Boy up to go see Big Daddy, MommyPerson conceded defeat and headed home.

As she walked up the front porch steps, holding Baby Burp in her arms and holding Nekkid Boy's hand, Nekkid Boy looked up at her and sweetly asked, "Daddy?"

Wordless Wednesday

2007-07-24T16:51:00.000-04:00

.... And Now.... Baking Soda!

2007-07-21T11:31:00.000-04:00

Mommy Person was trying so hard to pick up the house. So many things not in the right place due to a week of chaos. She needed to put things back to order and have some sanity. Nekkid Boy followed her around (he was still not allowed to watch TV or have toys because the Cheerios were still on the floor), looking for opportunities to wreak havoc.

As Mommy Person started clearing off the dining room table, Nekkid Boy reached for the open container of baking soda used the previous night in Baby Burp's bath. He shook it real fast and as Mommy Person shouted, "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo" and moved as if in slow motion to snatch the box, Nekkid Boy turned it upside down.

As the soft white powder floated down to the carpet, Nekkid Boy smiled and said, "Big mess!"

The Cheerios Battle of Wills

2007-07-21T11:22:00.001-04:00

Nekkid Boy sat in his chair happily crunching away on the tumbler cup of Cheerios that Mommy Person gave him.

He slyly looked out the corner of his eye and tipped the tumbler oh so slowly.

"Please do not pour out the Cheerios, Nekkid Boy."

He pulled the tumbler back to his lap and ate a few more.

Ten minutes passed and quick as lightening, Nekkid Boy reached his arm out and dumped the Cheerios on the floor.

"Ugh. Okay, Nekkid Boy, you need to pick up the Cheerios please. Put them back in the cup."

"No."

"Yes, Nekkid Boy. No TV until you pick up the Cheerios. Mommy Person will help but you have to pick up the Cheerios."

"Nooooooooo."

Mommy Person picked up all the toys and put them away. There would be no TV and no toys until the Cheerios were picked up. She tried taking turns. She tried cajoling. She tried her super stern voice. Nekkid Boy would not pick up those Cheerios!

Finally, she held his hand and led him back to the Cheerios. She explained once again, that Nekkid Boy's privileges were suspended until the Cheerios were picked back up.

Nekkid Boy stood in front of the pile of Cheerios. He slowly extended his leg, then carefully placed his foot on a Cheerio. He closed his toes around a single Cheerio, then lifted his foot and dropped the Cheerio into Mommy Person's hand.

Nekkid Boy counted this as a win. Mommy Person was less than amused.

Haiku Friday

2007-07-20T17:08:00.000-04:00

Wet. Cold. Squish. I play.
Friends join me in the mud pit.
Led astray they are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Monkey bars so tall
Beckon me to climb and play.
ER doctor. Ouch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whine, squirm, shout and cry;
Clutch my tummy. Agony.
Peee-eeewwww. I go toot!

Wordless Wednesday

2007-07-17T23:53:00.000-04:00

Nekkid Boy's Busy Day

2007-07-16T19:49:00.000-04:00

Itinerary 7.16.07

Baby Burp is learning to walk. Must push her over every possible chance.
Sit on Big Daddy's lap. Count, "Ooooone..... twoooooo..... threeeeeeeeeee.... *fart*"
Run as fast as I can from kitchen, through dining room, into living room and back as many times as I can. Be sure to stomp while running and shout, "RUN! RUN! RUN!"
Take a bite of Morning Star corn dog, screech, then spit the bite onto the floor and say "HOT!" even if it's not.
Whine.
Whine some more.
Whine for Handy Manny.
Whine for Little Einsteins.
When Mommy Person puts on the show I've been whining for, shout, "Different one?! DIFFERENT ONE!" until she closes her eyes, takes a deep breath and counts softly to ten.
Resume running.
Grab baby gate and shake it as hard as I can to make as much noise as possible.
Get Baby Burp interested in shaking the gate so she gets scolded and not me.
Push Baby Burp down again.
Take Baby Burp's sippy of milk and drink it. All of it. Laugh and run away.
Count the bubbles in the bath tub.
Find a cup. Fill it with bath water and pour it into the tub over to give Mommy Person a false sense of security. When she turns her back to get a towel, throw a full cup of water all over the bathroom floor.
Get out of bed at least 15 times.

Nekkid Boy's Wordless Wednesday

2007-07-11T00:01:00.000-04:00

A Day in the Life of Nekkid Boy

A Conversation with Nekkid Boy

2007-06-29T20:42:00.000-04:00

MommyPerson (MP): Here, please hold this clean diaper for me while I change you.

Nekkid Boy (NB): Blue truck. Green truck. Five!

MP: Yes, there's a five on the diaper.

NB: Blue diaper. Green diaper. Clean diaper.

MP: Mmm-hmmmm....

NB: Poo. Lotta poo.

MP: Yes, there's a lot of poo.

NB: Poo. Clean diaper! Brown pooooooo.

MP: I love you Nekkid Boy.

NB: I love you Momma.

MP: I love you too Nekkid Boy.

NB: I love you too Momma.

MP: I love you too Nekkid Boy.

NB: I love you too Momma.

MP: I love you too Nekkid Boy.

NB: I love you too Momma.

MP: I love you too Nekkid Boy.

NB: I love you too Momma.

MP: I love you too Nekkid Boy.

NB: I love you too Momma.

*happy sigh*

Nekkid Boy Goes Tee-tee

2007-06-23T19:50:00.001-04:00

Nekkid Boy howled.

Nekkid Boy yowled.

Baby Burp looked on in amazement as her brother fought tooth and nail to stop MommyPerson's lame duck attempts to scrub him down in the tub.

"Nooo! NOOO!!!" The shouting and screaming continued. MommyPerson finally covered the boy with suds and rinsed him off.

"Ni-niiii?" he queried.

"Yes, you can go night-night in just a minute."

MommyPerson scooped up BabyBurp and dried her off. As she set BabyBurp down on the bathroom floor, NekkidBoy jumped halfway out of the tub then started to whimper for assistance. MommyPerson quickly toweled him off just as BabyBurp opened the bathroom door and made a beeline for the top of the stairs.

Scurrying to snatch BabyBurp from near tragedy, it vaguely registered in MommyPerson's brain that Nekkid Boy was sitting on the toilet (with the lid down of course because anyone caught leaving the lid up in MommyPerson's house felt the keen wrath of her ire!) and talking half gibberish about the potty.

"Potty...... --gibberish gibberish-- tee-tee.... on potty... --gibberish gibberish--"

"Don't flush the potty please." MommyPerson called as she wrestled BabyBurp into a diaper.

"I on potty...... --gibberish gibberish gibberish-- tee-tee.... potty... --gibberish gibberish-- I tee-tee"

As MommyPerson considered dressing BabyBurp in a straight-jacket for the evening, she realized that Nekkid Boy was talking about bodily fluids. She *hoped* he was just talking about it.

Finally, after much wrestling, struggling and acrobatics of pajamas, MommyPerson placed BabyBurp in her crib, turned on the music box and quietly closed the door. She crossed her fingers (and mentally crossed her toes because to actually cross her toes would make walking painful and difficult) that what she heard coming from the bathroom was .... well.... just conversation and not commentary on action.

She should have crossed her toes.

NekkidBoy proudly sat on top of the toilet seat lid and proclaimed, "I tee-tee on potty!"

... and on the floor.... and in the trash can.... "Trash can!" .... and on the side of the tub.... and, yes, even on the toilet seat lid.

A Poignant Moment with Nekkid Boy

2007-06-17T22:54:00.000-04:00

Nekkid Boy woke from his nap and slowly made his way down the steps holding tightly onto Mr. Puppy, his constant companion.

Halfway down the staircase, MommyPerson appeared and smiled sweetly at her little boy. "Hi sweetheart," she cooed as she lovingly gazed on Nekkid Boy.

"HI!" Nekkid Boy replied as he waved vigorously at MommyPerson, still descending step by step.

Four steps from the bottom, Nekkid Boy was swept up into MommyPerson's arms. He smiled sweetly at MommyPerson as she carried him to the rocking chair. Behind that innocent and loving smile was the hint of a scheming smirk.

MommyPerson gently rocked Nekkid Boy, reveling in the warmth of her sweet boy, holding him close, feeling his soft breath on her neck as his head rested on her shoulder. She remembered many other such loving moments with him since becoming a mother.

"These are the moments. These are the moments you remember and treasure forever, " she thought to herself.

As a single tear formed in the corner of MommyPerson's eye, Nekkid Boy farted, giggled and ran off to play with his trucks.

More Nekkid Boy Haiku

2007-06-04T14:52:00.001-04:00

Eat a meal? Never!
I won't sit at the table.
Corn Chex everywhere.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pajama bottoms
Pulled up over my knees. Ha!
High-water fashion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I pooooooo. I pooooooooo. Pooo.
Barnes & Noble train table
Is so relaxing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Momma is comfort.
Daddy for security.
Sister is a toy.

Nekkid Boy Haiku

2007-06-01T21:34:00.000-04:00

Warm and soft, it's mine
Feel it squish and run all over
Don't tell Mom. My poo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My nemeses true
Stop me from danger and fun
Spoil sport baby gate

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Boing boing. Dong. Dong. Dong.
Daddy teaches me fun sounds.
I want boing boing boing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Train. Truck. You hear that?
Yes! I hear airplane, bird, car.
Trash truck. I want trash.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bath time; water fun.
Jump, pour, splash, throw, uh-oh.
Momma slips on floor.

I don't need no stinkin' sleep!

2007-04-28T02:18:00.000-04:00

Night 1: Bed time - 8:00pm
Actual time Nekkid Boy fell asleep - 10:30pm

Night 2: Bed time - 8:15pm
Actual time Nekkid Boy fell asleep - 11:45pm

What happened between bed time and actual sleep time?
A whole lot of insanity.

Mission: Donut Possible

2007-04-27T02:32:00.000-04:00

Nekkid Boy Mission: Secure crazy toy car currently being held hostage in packing box behind Baby Burp's crib.

Nekkid Boy sat up in bed and wiped his runny nose. He sat still and listened intently. Silence. Just what he was hoping for.

He quickly scurried out of his bed and quietly opened his bedroom door. Peering down the hall to the left and then to the right, he darted out and into the kitchen. After pulling a chair up to the counter, he opened the donut box and pulled one out. A quick bite and he was on his way down the hall to Baby Burp's room.

"Is she asleep still?" Nekkid Boy pondered. No matter. A donut would fix the problem.

He pushed the door open and walked over to the crib. He called her name a few times and was rewarded with a big smile when she finally opened her eyes.

He climbed into the crib and sat down opposite Baby Burp. He knew what would happen next. He was prepared.

With the patience of a cheetah on the hunt, he sat and he waited. She would make her move when she was ready.

Finally, Baby Burp lunged for the donut. He feinted a struggle, then let her have half of the donut as he leaped up, reached over the back rail of the crib and yanked the toy car free from the packing box.

Mission accomplished!

Nekkid Boy smiled to himself and settled back to play with the car and enjoy his half of the donut.

How Nekkid Boy Spends His Evening

2007-04-26T21:30:00.000-04:00

1. Get out of bed and play.

2. Get out of bed and play again.

3. Get out of bed and open and close the bedroom door until Mommy Person or Big Daddy discover him.

4. Stand in the hallway and color on the walls. I'm not much of an Impressionist but I could go Pollack if I really tried.

5. Get up and head to the kitchen. Dig through the diaper bag and find a granola bar and eat it. Pull chair up to the stove, climb up and eat a donut or two from the box of donuts on top of the stove.

6. Poop.

Case of the Missing Tee-tee

2007-04-25T20:07:00.000-04:00

It had been a long day for Mommy Person and she was asleep on her feet. She put both Baby Burp and Nekkid Boy into the bath tub together for some communal soaping and de-dirting. Nekkid Boy could tell that Mommy Person's guard was down and she was vulnerable. If he was going to take action, now was the time.

He splashed water. He kicked water. He threw water. He giggled and laughed when Baby Burp belly flopped into the water and then twirled around in the water like a crocodile. He tried to create his own wave pool. Then, when Mommy Person was on the phone he really stepped up his game and added screeching to all the splashing and water tossing. Finally, a very exasperated Mommy Person hung up the phone and declared that bath time was over.

Nekkid Boy was out of the tub first. After being dried off, he was told to go to his room. He took off running down the hall, gleefully shouting and giggling as he zoomed from one end of the house to the other. Mommy Person quickly picked up Baby Burp, wrapped her in a towel and headed to Nekkid Boy's room, calling to him to join them. He, of course, continued running up and down the hallway.

Zoom... down the hall... Zoom... up the hall... Zoom... down the hall... Zoom... up the hall. Mommy Person was struggling to get Baby Burp into a diaper so she could diaper Nekkid Boy as well when she heard, "I tee-tee!!" as Nekkid Boy zoomed past yet again.

"What?! You what?!"

Zooom... "TEEEEE-TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

"You went tee-tee?? WHERE?"

Zooooom.... "TEEEEEEEEEEEEE-TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Zooom... up the hall... Zoom.. down the hall...

Zoom.

"How to Make a Room Smell Good" by Nekkid Boy

2007-04-24T13:49:00.001-04:00

#1. Toss Italian seasonings all over the kitchen. Don't be shy. Really let loose and shake that container hard!

#2. Giggle while your daddy vacuums up the oregano mixture.

#3. Wait a few days, then dump your dry cereal all over the recliner. Make sure there are lots of crumbs.

#4. Giggle while your daddy vacuums up the dry cereal crumbs and inhale the odoriferous scent of Italy right in your own living room.

#5. (Optional) Giggle while your baby sister cries because she's skeered of the vacuum.

Things Nekkid Boy Did Today

2007-04-24T09:33:00.000-04:00

- Laughed uproariously at Charlie & Lola's opening credits.

- Dumped his bowl of dry cereal on the chair.

- Dumped his bowl of freeze dried Gerber fruits on the chair.

- Hammered every surface possible in the house.

- Sang the Boobie Boobie Boobie Boobie Choo-choo Train (Boogie Woogie Choo-choo Train - aka Baby Likes to Rock It)

- Wiped his runny nose with his shoe. More than once.

- Came running out of his room shouting "Lotta poo! Lotta poo!"

New Lemony Fresh Nekkid Boy!

2007-04-06T19:15:00.000-04:00

Nekkid Boy tip-toed into the bathroom of Mulberry House and found Mommy Person sitting on the throne. He sidled up to her and said, "Poo?"

"No Nekkid Boy. Tee-tee."

"Tee-tee??"

"Yes, tee-tee."

"Wooowwww....."

He realized that such witty repartee' wouldn't be enough to distract Mommy Person for long. He casually leaned against the sink and fiddled with the safety latch on the cabinet door. He inched a bit closer to the large wire shelving unit, his goal within reach.

Mommy Person stood up and moved to the sink to wash her hands as the throne flushed.

"Bye-bye tee-teeeee."

Mommy Person smiled indulgently at Nekkid Boy. Surely she was marvelling at his superior brain power and acrobatic command of the English language.

Nekkid Boy could no longer resist the urge! He reached out for the Febreeze room deodorizer just as Mommy Person turned around to motion him to leave the bathroom with her. Caught in the act! Zounds!!

"No, no. Leave that alone please. Come on; let's go." And with that, she turned out the light assuming that Nekkid Boy would follow her.

Mommy Person quickly became involved in soothing Baby Burp. Nekkid Boy had bribed Baby Burp a new pacifier to cull her help with this scheme. He knew Mommy Person would be busy for only a few minutes because Baby Burp was easily won over by the new Hug Me Elmo that Mommy Person brought home last week. He had precious little time and had to work fast.

Soon, too soon, he heard the clomp clomp of Mommy Person walking down the hallway. Closer, closer, closer still. Squirt, squirt... He squeezed the Febreeze container as fast as he could to get in as many squirts as possible. She was coming! He could hear her calling his name! Squirt-squirt-squirt!! She's almost at the door! Squirtsquirtsquirt!! She's turning the corner into the bathroom!! SQUIRT!!

Mommy Person peered into the dark room and saw the haze of scent engulfing Nekkid Boy. She moved closer, unsure of exactly what had transpired in the bathroom. "Lemony fresh. How odd." she thought.

She reached out to Nekkid Boy just as he managed to sneak in a few final squirts. Mommy Person shouted and squealed (which made Nekkid Boy giggle). Mommy Person quickly discovered that Nekkid Boy's shirt and hair were completely soaked in Febreeze. Mommy Person pulled the shirt off Nekkid Boy while Big Daddy called his favorite telephone operator at Poison Control.

Nekkid Boy chuckled and thought, "How ya like me now, yo. Lemon fresh. The girls'll be all over me dawg. "

Nekkid Boy and the Great Egg Adventure

2007-02-10T12:49:00.000-05:00

Evil Mommy Person forced our hero, Nekkid Boy, into manual labor. She set him to task at the kitchen stove, laboriously pouring seasoning into the eggs she whisked in a bowl. Nekkid Boy knew what was coming next. She would force him to spend hours and hours whisking and whisking and whisking until his arm felt like it would fall off! He had to devise a plan to get away! He needed a distraction. But any old distraction wouldn't work. It had to be monumental.

With the stealth of a cheetah persuing it's next meal, Nekkid Boy slowly unscrewed the lid of the seasoning container. Then, with the biggest, fastest, hardest shakes he could muster, he sent that seasoning flying all over the kitchen!

Mommy Person gasped! Mommy Person shrieked! Mommy Person groaned in dispair! The dried garlic and rosemary mixture was everywhere! At least 80% of the container's contents were flung far and wide across the kitchen.

Nekkid Boy shouted with glee and made his escape.

Nekkid Boy and the Great Turd Adventure

2006-12-14T23:48:00.000-05:00

Nekkid Boy looked up at Mommy Person as a small flicker of a smile turned his lips upward into a charming yet mischevious grin. He knew what was coming. And boy was it coming! That Mommy Person -- she thought she could douse him in water, surround him with bubbles, hand him a toy boat and think he wouldn't retaliate.

In all fairness, he did try to warn her. He whined a little. He bounced up and down. He even said, "Hah poo." But since he'd been saying that all day with no resulting poo, Mommy Person just smiled and nodded.

AHA! The time was drawning near! Mommy Person has turned her head away to pick up the bottle of shampoo that Nekkid Boy threw on the floor. She has just dumped every single tub toy into the tub! Victory is at hand! Nekkid Boy sent the "all out" signal and did his duty.. er.. doody... er... duty.. er... ah well.. you get the idea.

Three big, long turds in the tub. Not floaters either.

Nekkid Boy quietly smirked at Mommy Person started draining the tub and gagging.

Reflecting on Nekkid Boy

2006-09-25T01:48:00.000-04:00

Believe it or not, Nekkid Boy is nearing the second anniversary of his birth. He shot into this world on a warm October afternoon and, from that very moment, started giving Mommy Person and Big Daddy reason to tear their hair out.

Hospitals are fun, right? Nekkid Boy took it upon himself to remain there for seventeen days to get extra help fighting off germies that made him sleepy and not want to eat. All's well that ends well and he kicked the hospital dust off his boots and has been relatively healthy ever since.

Recently, Nekkid Boy has taken on some new adventures. This morning while eating cereal, he sneezed on Mommy Person. Got her smack dab on the forehead with a Honey Bunches of Oats cereal flake. Great aim Nekkid Boy!! Since having a cold, snot bubbles seem to be his greatest defense mechanism. Those bubbles are not only gross and icky, they are slimy and very sticky. Perfect for those sneak attacks!

Nekkid Boy has also become quite skilled in the ancient art of Crib Vaulting. His recent practice session didn't go quite as well as he planned. Sure, he made it out of his jail, but the racket alerted Mommy Person who came swooping in and scooped him into her arms. It was such a startling landing for Nekkid Boy that, in a moment of Hero Weakness (tm), he rested his head against Mommy Person while he caught his breath. The next afternoon, Big Daddy was able to peek in and spied Nekkid Boy practicing his technique. He didn't leave the crib, but he was quite adept at getting himself up and over the end of the crib.

It has been observed on more than one occassion and in very public places that Nekkid Boy has become an expert in the Limp Noodle Body Defense (tm). When used at the grocery store, Mommy Person breaks out into a sweat and becomes quite agitated and discombobulated. That's the best time to grab something off the shelf and stuff it into the cart!

All in all, Nekkid Boy and Baby Burp have been keeping Mommy Person way too busy. She very rarely has more than a few moments to spend on "me" time. Just like Nekkid Boy planned. MUHAHAHAHAA!

Nekkid Boy's Big Escape

2006-08-15T00:47:00.000-04:00

Objective: Escape evil lair of MommyPerson and Big Daddy

Nekkid Boy took care to locate his captors. Big Daddy was working studiously on battle strategies playing XCom on his computer in the bedroom. MommyPerson was providing nourishment to Baby Burp in the back room.

Nekkid Boy slowly made his way to the front of evil lair. He stopped off in his room and loaded up his Little Tykes shopping cart. After trying to shove it over the door threshold and into the hallway with no success, he abandoned his supplies of Disney cellphones, various balls and his stuffed puppy dog.

Instead, he headed to the front door.

He reached up and flipped the bolt lock.

He turned the door knob and opened the door.

He pushed the screen door and it opened with the greatest of ease.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Big Daddy swooped down, grabbed Nekkid Boy up and closed the door.

It was a near escape for Nekkid Boy.

MommyPerson made a special trip to Lowes and is installing a new bolt on the door that's at the top and completely out of Nekkid Boy's reach.

Nekkid Boy vs. Baby Burp - Round 1

2006-08-09T01:46:00.000-04:00

Baby Burp thinks she's so smooth... sucking up to MommyPerson (literally at times!), cooing, giggling, smiling.

Well. Nekkid Boy showed her just who is really in charge.

He sat there. He watched. He waited for the right moment.

Then he stuck his finger in her eye.

Nekkid Boy - 1
Baby Burp - 0

Nekkid Boy Thwarts Evol Haircut?

2006-08-08T00:45:00.000-04:00

While leisurely roaming the halls of the Towne Center mall (and why are they called "town centers" anyways! It's a freakin' mall dude!), our hero Nekkid Boy (who happened to be wearing a super cute oatmeal colored linen overall set) was swooped down upon and snatched up by MommyPerson. Tossed into the front of a stroller without care for his well-being or bodily safetly, Nekkid Boy was whisked to the other end of the mall and into Bill's Barber Shop O Horrors!

Nekkid Boy panicked. (He's not even two years old people... it's okay if our hero panics from time to time. Cut him some slack.. sheesh!) What evol tortures awaited him today? What heinous obscenities had MommyPerson devised for this adventure! Would Nekkid Boy survive?!?!

After much wailing and gnashing of teeth, the fur, I mean hair, really started to fly. Nekkid Boy was magically transformed from a cute little boy starting a mullet into the Cutest Boy In The World (tm)!

But, oh! The agony of it all! The emotional scars will follow Nekkid Boy for years... okay.. months... well... weeks! Oh heck, he's over it all ready.

Nekkid Boy News Flash!

2006-07-27T12:44:00.000-04:00

New Flash!! This just in!

Earlier this evening, Nekkid Boy was once again trying to dodge the evil MommyPerson's attempts to control him and put him in the evil cage for the night. He wailed and screamed and threw his body from side to side while being carried through the mall by MommyPerson but to no avail! (However, an innocent bystander did mention to MommyPerson that she looked quite serene throughout the entire tantrum... Score one for MommyPerson!)

After a terrifying trip back to Mulberry House that included tossing Mr. Puppy around the backseat of the car and being force fed a sippy of milk, Nekkid Boy knew his options were limited. Even before MommyPerson said that it was bath time, he had his plan ready.

Calmly and with a certain stoicism, Nekkid Boy undressed and leaped into the tub. He kicked the water. He stomped in the water, cackling as waves splashed out of the tub, onto MommyPerson and onto the floor. He was biding his time, waiting for that perfect moment.

And then..... it happened.

Baby Burp started to wail.

Sure enough, just as he suspected would happen, MommyPerson dashed out of the bathroom just long enough.

Upon her return, MommyPerson found Nekkid Boy dancing a jig in the tub while his towel floated in the wake of his waves... his adult sized bath sheet towel... soaking. wet.

MommyPerson stood there and pretended not to notice the peach fluffiness floating in the water. She'd let Big Daddy deal with it.

Nekkid Boy Strikes Again

2006-07-22T02:43:00.000-04:00

When we last left our hero, MommyPerson had won the evening battle and Nekkid Boy was relegated to his night time prison. Comforted with Mr. Puppy and several Dr. Seuss books, it seemed that our hero was down for the count. But then he remembered... the secret weapon... the one thing MommyPerson could not discount. Hunger!

Nekkid Boy slowly ramped up the Whine O Burst Eardrums. Starting out slow and low, he systematically revved up the frequency of his outbursts as well as the volume and intensity. Baby Burp was already fighting with MommyPerson, not allowing MommyPerson time for even the fastest and desperately needed bio break. Nekkid Boy wondered if maybe Baby Burp was ready to switch sides and fight MommyPerson with him! But no time for musings... gotta keep that Whine going!

MommyPerson finally caved. Nekkid Boy was up and free! Sucking down Cracklin' Oat Bran, three bites of turkey and some Quaker Oatmeal Cereal was just what he needed to fuel up. He danced a jig on the nursing stool; he ran up and down the hall; he tried spinning in a circle; he even screeched as loud as he could to make Baby Burp wake up and cry again! He had a blast!

Then, he knew it was time. The moment had arrived and he was prepared. When MommyPerson wasn't looking, he squatted down and filled his diaper with the foulest three day old poop he could muster.

No one could say this night was a victory for MommyPerson now!

Adventures of Nekkid Boy

2006-07-21T12:41:00.000-04:00

The following is a true story. All these events happened in real life to one tired, desperate, sweaty and somewhat hungry mother of two. Names and locations have been changed to protect the innocent.

Nekkid Boy knew his cleverly designed costume would confuse his arch enemy "MommyPerson". Hiding in plain view is the best way to avoid being found so he disguised himself as a guileless twenty-one month old toddler. As MommyPerson tried to force Poisoned Peas down his throat, he was able to sort out the persnickety and abhorred vegetable from the corn, beans and carrots with which the peas were mixed. Amazingly, he did this sorting in his mouth with his tongue and then, taunting MommyPerson, slowly let the peas roll off his tongue and down into his shorts cuffs all the while retaining the other vegetables in his mouth for consumption.

Ah yes, Nekkid Boy is a clever one! After the poisoned pea incident, Nekkid Boy stumbled upon one of MommyPerson's secret weapons... her sidekick Baby Burp. Baby Burp was laying in a bed waiting for her chance to foil Nekkid Boy's heroic efforts. At the sight of Nekkid Boy, Baby Burp began to wail! Nekkid Boy sent up the alarm by mimicking Baby Burp's wail, "Whoa whoa whooooaaa!" Nekkid Boy could only hope that his sonic cries would reach his fellow superhero, Chatty Charlotte, and that she could rescue him! Until she arrived, Nekkid Boy was on his own and decided to silence Baby Burp by feeding her some Cracklin' Oat Bran.

After abandoning her pointless efforts to poison our hero with peas, MommyPerson insisted upon dousing Nekkid Boy in water. She called this his "bath time" but Nekkid Boy knew better! She was calling out the big guns on him. She was going to try to bring him down using her infamous Super Villain (tm) ploy called The Breastfeeding Circus. To that end, she employed her evil side-kick Baby Burp to latch onto her breast and suck out the venomous milk while she prepared Nekkid Boy's bath. While bathing and sitting helplessly in Mommy Person's view, Baby Burp would suddenly release the Evil Breast and milk would squirt everywhere. Fortunately, our hero Nekkid Boy is wily and resourceful and was able to dodge the acidic milk as it sprayed down the walls of the bathroom. Soon MommyPerson realized she'd been foiled again and gave up on the venomous milk attack.

Nekkid Boy realized his only chance for escape would happen while MommyPerson returned Baby Burp to the secret evil lair. Once MommyPerson dashed around the corner, Nekkid Boy was up like lightening and climbed out of the tub o' doom. Then, mini wiener bouncing as he ran, Nekkid Boy screeched and ran as fast as he could up and down the hallway constantly swerving and changing directions to avoid MommyPerson's grasp. As he would zip by, he'd stop and shake Baby Burp's bed. This would give him a few extra seconds while MommyPerson stopped to soothe Baby Burp. Nekkid Boy made it to the all glass front door at least five times before finally cornered at the toilet by MommyPerson.

The vile and evil MommyPerson may have won tonight, but in the morning Nekkid Boy will be released from his holding chamber and will once again roam the halls of Mulberry House fighting for toddler rights and toys in the old fashioned American way! He has spent many, many hours perfecting his perfect weapon and tomorrow will unleash...................... The Howling Wind.

Stay tuned ladies and gentlemen till next time when we hear Nekkid Boy stop MommyPerson cold in her tracks by singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider... a ploy always guaranteed to make MommyPerson's seemingly relentless nattering come to a grinding halt.