Adventures of Nekkid Boy

The following is a true story. All these events happened in real life to one tired, desperate, sweaty and somewhat hungry mother of two. Names and locations have been changed to protect the innocent.

Nekkid Boy knew his cleverly designed costume would confuse his arch enemy "MommyPerson". Hiding in plain view is the best way to avoid being found so he disguised himself as a guileless twenty-one month old toddler. As MommyPerson tried to force Poisoned Peas down his throat, he was able to sort out the persnickety and abhorred vegetable from the corn, beans and carrots with which the peas were mixed. Amazingly, he did this sorting in his mouth with his tongue and then, taunting MommyPerson, slowly let the peas roll off his tongue and down into his shorts cuffs all the while retaining the other vegetables in his mouth for consumption.

Ah yes, Nekkid Boy is a clever one! After the poisoned pea incident, Nekkid Boy stumbled upon one of MommyPerson's secret weapons... her sidekick Baby Burp. Baby Burp was laying in a bed waiting for her chance to foil Nekkid Boy's heroic efforts. At the sight of Nekkid Boy, Baby Burp began to wail! Nekkid Boy sent up the alarm by mimicking Baby Burp's wail, "Whoa whoa whooooaaa!" Nekkid Boy could only hope that his sonic cries would reach his fellow superhero, Chatty Charlotte, and that she could rescue him! Until she arrived, Nekkid Boy was on his own and decided to silence Baby Burp by feeding her some Cracklin' Oat Bran.

After abandoning her pointless efforts to poison our hero with peas, MommyPerson insisted upon dousing Nekkid Boy in water. She called this his "bath time" but Nekkid Boy knew better! She was calling out the big guns on him. She was going to try to bring him down using her infamous Super Villain (tm) ploy called The Breastfeeding Circus. To that end, she employed her evil side-kick Baby Burp to latch onto her breast and suck out the venomous milk while she prepared Nekkid Boy's bath. While bathing and sitting helplessly in Mommy Person's view, Baby Burp would suddenly release the Evil Breast and milk would squirt everywhere. Fortunately, our hero Nekkid Boy is wily and resourceful and was able to dodge the acidic milk as it sprayed down the walls of the bathroom. Soon MommyPerson realized she'd been foiled again and gave up on the venomous milk attack.

Nekkid Boy realized his only chance for escape would happen while MommyPerson returned Baby Burp to the secret evil lair. Once MommyPerson dashed around the corner, Nekkid Boy was up like lightening and climbed out of the tub o' doom. Then, mini wiener bouncing as he ran, Nekkid Boy screeched and ran as fast as he could up and down the hallway constantly swerving and changing directions to avoid MommyPerson's grasp. As he would zip by, he'd stop and shake Baby Burp's bed. This would give him a few extra seconds while MommyPerson stopped to soothe Baby Burp. Nekkid Boy made it to the all glass front door at least five times before finally cornered at the toilet by MommyPerson.

The vile and evil MommyPerson may have won tonight, but in the morning Nekkid Boy will be released from his holding chamber and will once again roam the halls of Mulberry House fighting for toddler rights and toys in the old fashioned American way! He has spent many, many hours perfecting his perfect weapon and tomorrow will unleash...................... The Howling Wind.

Stay tuned ladies and gentlemen till next time when we hear Nekkid Boy stop MommyPerson cold in her tracks by singing The Itsy Bitsy Spider... a ploy always guaranteed to make MommyPerson's seemingly relentless nattering come to a grinding halt.

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